The 82nd Annual Academy Awards are this Sunday evening, and if we know anything about LA, chances are you'll be watching it. But why just watch it when you can experience it? The best place to be on Oscar night is in the Kodak Theater. You're probably not special enough to be there. Instead, you can sit on the bleachers with the plebeians. Only problem is if you're just finding out about this now, it's already too late. Looks like you'll be stuck at home. But there's hope! Here's how to make your Oscars night a real party.
Dress for the occasion. Head to Jet Rag Sunday morning to score classy duds for $1 a piece. Dig through those piles for the most outlandish thing you can find, and be sure to wash it when you get home. Twice. See this article for other tips on getting cheap clothes.
Drink to success. Swank up your party by toasting with some bubbly. No sense in spending a lot of money. You can buy plenty of two-buck-chuck or even a whole box of wine, and as long as you pre-pour it into glasses, no one will be the wiser. If the wine really is that bad, add orange juice to make Mimosas, or if it's awful, go for a Buck's Fizz. If it's beyond terrible, drink it straight and it just might make the broadcast seem less than three hours.
Dine in style. Hors douerves make any gathering seem fancy, and it's easy if you do it right. Put crackers out on plates and add small dabs of whiz (or slices of a "more refined" cheese like sharp cheddar) with a touch of something green — parsley, chives, thing-that-was-on-special-in-the-produce-aisle — on top. You can emulate British finery by making sandwiches on white bread, spreading cream cheese on both sides and putting cucumber rounds in the middle. Cut off the crust and cut into quarters, then cut them all diagonally into adorable little triangles just reeking of aristocracy. Then get a $5 footlong from Subway, put toothpicks in at every inch, and slice into twelve skinny, impossibly sexy slices.
Voila! You've thrown a soiree that outshines any shmancy studio party, and you don't have to worry about losing your borrowed million dollar diamond whatever. Now hang around and ramble 'til the music plays you out.
Yes, that is Design Bum holding his Oscar — that he "borrowed" from his friend's uncle. He'd like to thank all the little people. And said uncle for not getting upset.
