Dear Cupid,

You suck, you heartless bum. No husband, no boyfriend, not even a decent one night stand this year. You know what? I'm done with you. This year, I'm Valentine-ing on my own. That's right, I'm taking MYSELF out for a hot date. And I'll bet I'm not the only one.

Dates: They generally involve a few key good things. And, if you do them right (wink, wink), they can totally expand your horizons. With that in mind, I'm going to start my special day off right by heading out to my favorite museum, The Annenberg Space for Photography. What's that you say, Cupid? Not open this V-day Monday? Screw you! I'll just check out one of the other FREE museums open today. Cuz really, treating yourself shouldn't cost you anything.

Feastage: Now that I've worked up an appetite in my belly (after feeding my soul, of course), time to focus on the yum. V-day calls for obnoxious things like chocolates and those stupid little sweet-tart hearts. Plus candles. Luckily, for just around $10, you can score a veritable sexy feast at places like Trader Joe's.

Here's a plan: pick up a bottle of 2-Buck Chuck (avoid drinking all at once...maybe), a small box of tomato soup ($2.29), some tortillas ($1.29) and cheese (Mexican blend = $2.99 + it's a lil' spicy, unlike the love life). Finally, for the the sweet tooth, those mini-chocolate lava cakes they carry (whopping expense at $2.99). Another option? Headbum is partial to the ice cream bonbons, and they run about a dollar more. Post-shopping, step into the kitchen, heat up the soup, spice from your pantry as desired — it's good to get a bit creative here, you ARE doing this to make yourself happy, after all. Put together a little quesadilla-esque cheese toast with the tortillas and Mexi-mix cheese and to make it super V-day-tastic (aka gag), cut that circle into a heart shape. Oh look what we've done now.

Dip, dip, dip away into your red soup as you rip apart the heart-shaped goodness. And don't forget to light up those emergency candles you never use. Finally, sip away at the tasty vino while savoring the frozen (like your heart) dessertiness. Yum. Feeling extra adventurous? Throw an Anti-Cupid party. Cuz he may be a bastard, but parties sure are fun.

And hey, we're not done yet!

Special treat time. Options: rent a movie no one else would EVER want to watch. But that you secretly want to see. Have a dance party...of one! Billy Idol had it right. Or maybe treat yourself to something special, like a new bathmat, a piece of jewelry (like a watch kids, nothing super-sparkly here), or even a second dessert from the ice cream parlor! Remember to keep it under $10 -- you're a cheap date. Personal favorite option? Take a drive up Mullholland way to look at the stars. Least you won't get busted for making out with someone and leaving the car parked illegally. Cuz when all is said and done, don't forget, cupid sucks and you're alone. But at least a nice day was had.

Happy freaking V-day.

XO,

Wordbum

*Special thanks to Brian @ WeHo Trader Joe's for price checking items. Wordbum happily accepts gifts of flowers, chocolates, or a decent date.